gine + me

Welcome to MY world

Watch your step

Bangkok city
gine + me
I spend all day thinking about when i'm going to eat again.

(no subject)
gine + me
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Work ethic||||20%
Need to dominate||||||||||||||60%
Change averse||||20%
Peter pancomplex||||||||||40%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by

Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

     It's been a while since I take this test- but it has changed.. I can't tell if it's for the better or not. Time will tell as usual.
Things have changed quite a bit. I've been signing up for more classes then I can handle, and dropping them usually before drop date. This semester i'm sticking through it.. Something about seeing everone graduate has motivated me to keep my classes despite the obvious inability to juggle to workload. This will be fun :D
Back to cell biology..but maybe a small nap first? I'm doomed.

(no subject)
hello kitty


Dead to my every touch
gine + me

I thought of this as picture worthy..

It's beautiful miami morning..Just the way to start the day in which I will encounter two especially difficult test, and what makes them especially difficult is my lack of preparation.
Instead, I'm writing here..
The biggest update is that i'm single again, it's a big update because you probably never knew I was even dating-That's how short lived it was. It lasted about a week and was incredibly unsuccessful, but I'd be damned if I had not  taken a thing or two away from it. Most important one being, smokers and I--simply do not work.
It's something about entering a relationship knowing that it would be dead-end that made this relationship at such an disadvantage.. This was new to me. To paint a picture, I considered my last boyfriend as someone whom I could marry, have kids with, and eventually lead a happy life--if it was him alone i'd have to deal with for the rest of my life. A potential progressive future, officially on the checklist for the upcoming list of features I want in a relationship. Anyway, this one didn't work out, it was interesting while it lasted, but it seems as if we just didn't fit. So single again, dating again, time to see what's next.
After my Microeconomics and Financial Accounting exam that is..


(no subject)
gine + me
  As I sit here in the business lab, mindlessly wondering what to do with my time, I become a writer.  The last couple semesters I've had writing assignments that I decided simply not to do. Writing in some senses has become painful to me, and as i've learned, the only way to overcome pain is to experience it, over and over. So as a part of this new lifestyle i've given birth to after my mother's death, i'll include writing in this junk a little more often. Just to excersise my writing bones a bit.

change in marginal product / change in output = marginal cost

 total product = add of marginal product

labor units- marginal product:
1-14  14
2-15  30
3-12   36
4 - 6   24

36-24= 12.
12 sandwiches.

Manwiches.  I have a job now, monday, wednesday, fridays, and one saturday a month. That should provide a relatively steady income, and considering I have no expenses now .. i'll waste it on booze and food.  :]

mc = change in (fc+vc)/ change in output
AFC- average cost/ output
AVC- variable cost/ output

 Part of the job is writing letters- N648's. I'm playing doctor in a sense and I can't help but wonder if my desicision to change majors in the end of my junior year is a bad idea or not. That COULD be me.. well.. sorta. I still have time to switch back, but i'm also catching some interest to the business aspect. I wish I could have some feedback from my future self to tell me what direction to go, what to do.

The reasoning behing me attaining a job is so that I could be able to have some financial responsibility for myself. Since my mom's passing, I have been going out for drinks, going out to eat, and pretty much spending money as if I had an unlimited income. I was spending a little less then $200.00 a week on expenses which have relatively no long term effect/use when my sister told me she'd cut me off. She said if I wanted money, I would have to work for it. I cried infront of her, and got myself an allowance of 60.00 a week. Significantly less then I was spending it was obvious i'd either have to stay home more often, consume less, or work more. None of these options seemed appealing to me, but given the circumstances and my change of major, I decided to do all three. My nap time has nearly been eliminated between school, work, and lab; let alone factoring in time for going out or studying. Keeping busy is the goal... and so far, i've been doing well.
Such a radical change from the person I used to be that I suprise myself.

Time for class. I'll make a point of it to update this more often, if not with details of my life, then with details of others lives. Just for the sake of writing again, trying to enjoy it again.


Afterall, they don't make condoms for your heart.
gine + me

It seems as if when things go wrong, it comes from everywhere and anywhere. Really, I think it's quite clever, a test from beyond to see how much one person can handle, how much pain one person can tolerate before becoming self destructive.
It's a good question, but I don't think i'm the proper candidate to answer it. Even so, I don't escape this quiz being forced upon me. Unsure what my life will bring, anticipating there is much more then what I see now, I hope I do well. Hope.. something that gets torn apart as each day grows darker with responsibilities, and tasks that seem too grand for my capabilities. My capabilities seeming more limited, probably more limited then they actually are. My vision impaired by a chew mark from my new puppy. Teething, ugh.
It's just odd, how at certain times, more reoccurring that I would have wished for, I forget about whatever beauty there is in life and see no light, no good, no happiness. It seems that my sadness had no particular source, but its a general overall feeling of lack of. It comes, it goes, and now it's back again. I've studied abnormal psychology, and heard stories about this kind of thing, but I can't give myself a certain diagnosis. It's complicated, to me.
I'm visiting limbo, yet again.
This weekend i'll get new glasses.. or fix my old ones.. or get contacts, but something must change. I neeeed it too. After a long horrid night, I feel as if the worse has come, the climax of my hard moment has been reached and now I just need to wait for some positive events to follow. I need to come back to me, or I might lose everything.
I damaged my car in a freaking parking lot. The iron rod coming from the concrete hooked on to my bumper and tore it as I backed away, If any of you have any idea what I should do.. who I should see, or any guidance/advice whatsoever it would be greatly appreciated.


Eu sou muito alegre!
tiki & me

    School is what it is, I think it's the most difficult thing in the world, till I get into the next level. It only gets worse and worse. However, i'm still here. Unsure really what my other options are, just trying to keep pace with the other Vanessa's out there. Much easier to keep my head up and keep going if there wasn't this organic chemistry book catching my attention. That's a huge problem, i'm easily distracted.

I'm very happy about the way things have turned out. Life is treating me well, i've found a couple new obsessions to thrill me for the moment, one of them being cuban bread with butter, toasted. YUMMY! I'm very shy about trying new things, but I was placed in a position where it would have been rude, or odd if I didn't try the prepared bread. Little did he know he created a monster. I kept my cool as I left the house, and only ate what I was served, but as soon as I got out I went to go buy myself a couple loafs of bread. I usually never ate breakfast, however now if I leave to school without a piece of toasted, buttery bread, it becomes difficult for me to even think! I'm spoiled rotten, I ran out of bread last night, and I asked my boyfriend to comeover in the morning to bring me some. And he did, <3 :)

To write a whole paragraph about bread.. I'll consider it something good. Of the many things that have accumalated over the years to bitch about, to cry about, i managed to pull off a wonderful bit about how good bread can be(DAMN good).

I stayed up last night composing a paper about myself, in Portuguese. I need three more lines before I have a final product, but it goes something like this:

         Oi! Meu nome é Vanessa Portilla. Eu mora em Miami, Florida. Eu fallo inglês, espanhol, e logo, português! Eu sou estudante na Universidade de Miami. Meu curso mais preferido é biologia, e a minha classe mais difícil é a química. Eu vou tudos os dias para estudiar em na biblioteca porque eu tenho cinco classes. Eu chego a minha primeira aula em onze da manhã em na segunda-feira, quarta-feira, e sexta-feira para o curso português. Meu aniversário é o primero dia do Virgo, no dia vinte e três de Agosto. Meu aniversário é sempre um dia interessante no Verão. Eu gosto de viajar em cruizeiro em Verão, é bom tempo. Eu tenho vinte anos desde em mês passado.

        Sou jovem, alegre, simpantica, e magra. Tenho cabelo comprido, castanho e crespo, olhos grande e castanho. Eu trabalho em o escritorio com minha mãe os sábados. Eu chego em no escritorio muito cedo, as sete e trinta da manhã. Normalemente em esse tempo eu estou muito cansada. Eu gosto de jogo de boliche, é meu preferido deporte. Tambem eu gosto de de ir a praia, ir as compras, e ir o cinema. Minha preferido filmes é de musicales, porque os filmes são muito alergres normalmente. Eu tenho uma irmá. Ela é muito simpatica, alegre, e trabalhadora. Ela é baixa e tem cabelo loiro liso e curto, olhos grande e castanho. Eu trabalho com minha irmá e minha mãe em nossa escritorio. Minha mãe é muito alegre, otimista, e carismática. Quando eu vou o trabalho é normalmente muito divertido!

To those who understand it, and want to correct me, feel free to do so.

I thought it would be best to stay up now and study for chemistry, but I can't do it. I'm going to sleeep. I'll try a nocturnal study habit :P
Wish me happy dreams. xx


gine + me

Anyone who speaks portuguese is welcome to add me to their MSN!
Qualquer um que fale portugues é bem vindo a adicionar-me no seu MSN!

Meu  MSN é
i'm studing the language now, and my grade depends on how well I speak and undertsand it. So i'm going to need some practice!

tchau, até logo!

Gettin' the shaft.
gine + me

All is well, i'm so happy at where I am right now.

Figures school hasn't started yet. Thats where the majority of my freaking out comes from.

oh god and i'm taking organic, which i hear is killer.*sigh* i'm already bringing myself down, lol.
I'll try my best to stay positive, and be responsible. I can do it ;o!

I'm getting my phone back tomorrow, but kind of want to give it back. It's been so nice, no more random, mean, hateful, mistaken or dramatic text messages or phone calls. Then again, atleast I can stop borrowing phones, heh.

There's so many things that I have yet to understand, many of which I realize I never will, and i'm so ignorant about it.
I think back about my ideals, my state of mind a few years ago, and I used to honestly believe I was right, in that moment. Things changed me, what I thought, a part of who I am, and I only wonder, what else is in store for me? What,or who else will revolutionize the way I think, how I feel. 
I forgive those that have harmed me, and thank them for letting me live. It took a lot of time for me to understand why some people do the things they do, act the way they act, but in the end, it's irrelevant, understanding isn't what I needed I needed something else to heal. There's still some scars, things I will never forget, but I wouldn't need to. They define who I am, and without them, i'd be just like everyone else.
Sometimes I forget that's a good thing.

Maybe, this is it, and if so~ woohoo. 20 years young, and still excited about life.


waking up from a dreamless dream
gine + me

its a sunday afternoon with liq and bbq.
I'm determined to be the best kind of person I can be, somewhat of a task it seems. In debt.
except I don't qualify for bankrupcy. or maybe I do? but that's not the way out I want. I want success. Some believe that if you put you're all at anything, you can achieve it.. then again, some also say they've been abducted by aliens. I want to believe some, but that may just be placing a losing bet to rigged game. I suppose that's part of it, risk. Characteristics of a sucessful entreprenuer, not afraid to take the risk. I'll build my empire upon risk, seeminly chance, and see if i can win.
I'm all in, every limb.
a bit exhausted, degraded, raggedy, the dream has renewed itself, with a soul of hope it awakes.
Time will silently speak of my glory or defeat

My dad's making excellent bbq ribs, i've been hitting up the captain morgan a bit, and enjoying some jello shots. Alone! Self inflicted, i know, but ..
..some spice is always nice

all is good in the neighborhood. I'm enjoying my new house, despite the downgrade. I sometimes forget to give myself a reality check, but *check*. I'm good.

I love music ;/ Itunes on shuffle controls me. Summer's almost up, birthday comming up, and i'm living with my beautiful, soon to be nutless, cat, tiki ^_^
My phone died, so i'm feeling a bit lonely, says R kelly. I'll miss the pictures I had in my text messaging, but its a new era.
or something

just going down the yellow brick road..



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